In Which Introductions and Decisions are Made Part 6

"They have a lease, which you signed, that states that you and only you must give them notice and then they have 30 days to vacate the premises," Squig interrupted leaning against the guard rail.  "So legally, there was nothing we could do.  I'm just glad that only two of the girls decided to stay."

"Actually you only have one that's a problem," Harlan continued, finding his nerve and placing his had back on his head. "It's that Diane Tailer you have to worry about."  

He stopped abruptly, noticing the look on Trixie's face. "So," he said looping his claws through his belt and rocking back and forth on his heals. "word of her nasty mouth and skanky ways has spread across this country to the east coast. I'm not surprised, not surprised at all to hear that she's notorious."

"What are skanky ways, dad?" Annie asked pulling on his shirt to get her attention.

"Ways that aren't very nice," he responded distractedly.  He had forgotten all about that damn lease.  Now he personally was going to have to go over there and evict them. This boondoggle could not be conveniently shuffled off to Sqigman, like he'd hoped.

"Dad do I have skanky ways?" Annie asked pulling on his shirt again.

"No," Dweezil and Squig said in unison.

"Does Uncle Squig have skanky ways?" she asked impishly.

"Watch it Dweeze. Think very carefully before you answer that." Squig said softly narrowing his eyes.

"Why no Annabelle," Dweezil answered benignly, "your uncle has many curious ways, but I wouldn't say skanky was one of them."

"Well then who's got skanky ways," she sang out, hopping around swinging her arms in time to her song. "Do youse and youse and youse got skanky ways. "

"Annabelle that will be enough."

"Grandmom," Annie said swiveling around to face her.  This is so cool.  "Diane Tailer has skanky ways, but there's no fornication going on in dad's building.  Cousin Harlan who's removed crawled up the side of the building like a bat and peaked in all the windows, so he knows.

What does fornication mean and how could cousin Harlan who's removed do that?  Does he have sticky stuff on his paws? Do you think he could teach me how to do that even though I don't have sticky stuff on my paws.  Could we go buy some sticky stuff, so I could go building crawling with him. I'm so glad we came here.  This is so exciting."

TO BE CONTINUED

In Which Introductions as well as Decisions Are Made Part 5

Dweezil sauntered over to them with his unique blend of sophistication and nonchalance.  Stopping he eyed Squig and Harlan with a gimlet eye and then staring straight at them said, "My my, if it isn't the Lone Ranger and the ever present sidekick, his Holiness the Pope.  What brings you to this backwater little place, your Holiness?"

"I, I, I'm not the Pope," Harlan sputtered. "I'm Harlan Katz, Deputy Sheriff."

Squig smiled delightedly as Dweezil hearing the name Katz, narrowed his eyes.  This was going to be wonderful.

"Did I hear you say your name was Katz," he hissed, leaning forward with an air of menace, Harlan couldn't help but notice.

"Yes, you did, Dweeze, and I call you Dweeze," Harlan chirped happily, not understanding who he was dealing with.

"No," Dweezil said flatly, "You may not."

"Well on behalf of the entire Katz family, I want to apologize for the sneaky ways of my Aunt Suzette." he continued wrapping a conciliatory paw around Dweezil.

A conciliatory paw that was immediately shrugged off in no uncertain terms.

"I can't thank you enough for closing down that blot on the entire community, Dweeze."  He plowed on.  "Me and the boss are trying hard to clean up this here place and we couldn't have done it without you buying that cesspit and turning it into something we can all be proud of.  Why I wouldn't be surprised if the town didn't name a street or a boulevard after you. Can't you just see it," he stepped away and waved his paw expansively, "Felinerino Street the garden spot of the entire state."

This was not going as planned.  Dweezil was looking at Harlan like he was some kind of  biblical prophet and not  the dumb-ass, annoying big mouth he actually was.  

"So, Dweezil said, wrapping his paw around Harlan like they were dear best friends, "I take it you and Squigman have cleaned the house of its resident pests?"

"Well not entirely, Dweeze,"  Harlan stammered as it began to dawn on him that things might not be going so well.

"Not entirely?" Dweezil asked innocently as his eyes narrowed and his ears went back and he shoved Harlan away "There are miscreants still living in my building?"

"Just tttwo of them." Harlan stammered.  He was now wringing his hat in his paws as he tried frantically to think of a way out.

"Just two, hmm." Dweezil responded stepping closer.

"But they're not fornicating." Harlan responded in a rush. "I've been staking out the building and I can promise you there's no fornication going on inside."

"You saw this with your radarlike eyes, did you? Or what is more likely given your puce coloration, is that you, on some moonless night, decided to crawl up the side of the building like a bat and peek in the windows?"

"No sir, Mr. Felinerino I didn't do nothin like that."

"Well then why don't you enlighten me and tell me all about it.  I can hardly wait to hear how you can stand there and assure me there's no fornication happening in my building?

"It's like this, " Harlan began.

TO BE CONTINUED


 

In Which Introductions and Decisions are Made Part 4

Squig turned and looked directly into Trixie's eyes.  She had changed.  It was slight, but she had changed. There was a new softness about her.   And the only word for how she looked in her cream linen trousers and white silk blouse was elegant.  He felt momentarily awkward and at a loss for words. 

Blushing slightly, he wrapped his paws around her and gathered her close. Sighing, she melted into him and whispered, "I have missed you so much."

"Me, too," he answered, "I am so damn glad you're here." He was about to kiss her when the harrumphing and throat clearing started up again.

"Miss Pixie," Harlan started, pushing Squig aside and  pumping her paw.

"Her name is Trixie," Squig hissed. "How many times do I have to tell you, her name is Trixie, not Pixie."

"Well now Miss Trixie," he started over. "If you ain't the prettiest thing I've seen all year.  That photo the Boss has on his desk just don't do you justice.  Look at you.  All I can say, is that old Sheriff Squigman better keep his eye on you, cause once the cowboys get a good look, there's going to be a stampede over to the restaurant.  There's been a drought in this here town and you are like the gentle rains of springtime." The last bit was said with a lot of insincere sighing and many longing glances.

Squig was getting more and more annoyed and felt like getting out his muck boots, since Harlan's bullshit was getting so deep.   Then he looked over at Trixie laughing and felt an overwhelming urge to choke him.

  "Well now," she smiled, "Aren't you just the flatterer, and giving him a sideways look asked, "And just who are you."

"Oh that's Deputy Katz," Annie replied helpfully.  "Only he wants to be called Cousin Harlan, whose removed."

"One of your waifs and strays? "Trixie whispered wrapping her paw around Squig.  "How do you manage to collect so many?"

"It's a genetic defect," he grumbled and I'm thinking of contacting NIH and seeing if they'd like to do study, in the hopes of finding a cure.  It's either that or form a twelve step program.  Or," he thought to himself cheerfully watching his friend exiting the train, "I could just put the whole mess in the very capable paws of Mr. Dweezil Felinerino."

"Welcome to the west, bro," he called out.  "I'd like you to meet my deputy, Harlan T. Katz."





"

In Which Introductions as Well as Decisions Are Made - Part 3

"Well, hi there little lady, welcome to the wild west." Harlan intoned in what Squig thought to himself had to be the worst John Wayne imitation he had ever heard.  Wayne's voice was low and masculine and Harlan's was hi and squeaky.  Somehow the two just didn't seem to mesh at all.

Annie seemed taken aback, too.  She looked up at him thoughtfully for a few seconds, and then extending her paw, said primly. "Hello, Deputy Katz, it's nice to meet you."

"Now, now, what's with all this formality?"  He said, thankfully in his own voice.  "You and me are going to be really good friends.  Now I know, even though you ain't related to the boss, you call him Uncle Squig.  So maybe," he stroked his chin while he thought, and then smiling, chirped, "I could be Cousin Harlan?"

Ignoring the two shocked faces in front of him, he continued, "But then since I didn't live with you back east, maybe I could be Cousin Harlan once removed."

"Finally noticing that this was not going over very well,"  He said, "OK, how about cousin Harlan, twice removed? Don't like that, there's always second cousin Harlan twice removed?"

Squig was at the point of telling him, if he didn't shut up, he was going to be cousin Harlan permanently removed, when an achingly familiar voice purred, "Hi there cowboy, come her often?"

In Which Decisions as Well as Introductions Are Made Part 2

Squig watched  as the train pull to a halt, the passenger car door opened and finally the conductor stepped out and lowered the stairs.  It only took a few minutes and then a small bundle of fluffy white fur, dressed in a red and white polka dot sundress exploded onto the platform.  With her  paws waiving, and her legs churning, she was a study in perpetual motion.

"Uncle Squig-a-wig, Uncle Squig-a-wig, I have missed you so much," she exclaimed as threw herself into his waiting arms. 

"I've missed you too Annie Banannie," he purred holding her close to his heart.  "Let me take a good look at you," he continued, holding her at arm's length. "I believe in the three months I've been here, you've grown. You sure you're my Annie Banannie and not some grown up who's hidden her somewhere?"

"It's me," she laughed hopping down. "Is it true that you're a real Sheriff?  Do you have a gun and a horse?  Have you gone after any bad guys and varmints?  Do you have a posse?  Do you live at the saloon?"  She asked excitedly all in one breath.

"If you have a horse, can I ride him.  Dad and Grandmom said that you're not going to be living with us anymore.  Can I live with you at the Saloon?  Are the dance hall girls nice?  Should Miss Trixie be jealous.  Can I learn to shoot a gun.  Will you teach me how to shoot a gun and ride a horse."

Squig laughed heartily, barely able to catch up with her nonstop chatter and nodding his head in the negative, said, "Sorry sweet pea the answer to all of your questions is no."

She stood back and cocking her head to one side like a small, serious fluffy white owl, said, "Well can I wear your hat?  Can I be a junior deputy and wear a star? When can I see your new house  Is there a room for me in it?"

"Yes, yes, soon and yes," Squig chuckled. He was about to tell her all about his new apartment and ask her about her trip west, when he was interrupted by someone standing behind him, loudly harrumphing and clearing his throat.

He swiveled around to find Harlan standing impatiently, with his right paw extended and a thoroughly fake smile pasted on his face.

"Oh yes," Squig remarked with a certain degree of nervous trepidation, "Annie I'd like you to meet my deputy, Harlan T. Katz.  Harlan this is my niece, the one and only Annie Felinerino." 

TO BE CONTINUED