Squig heard the band before, he actually saw them.  He wasn't sure what they were playing, but he was pretty sure they weren't playing the whatever it was in unison. And as they rounded the corner, he was definitely sure they weren't marching in unison.  They weren't marching at all.  The best word he could come up with for what they were doing was sgraggeling and they weren't doing that in unison.  One was sidling to the left and one was leaning to the right.  Two smacked into each other, and the drummer knocked himself in the head with the drumsticks.  It was pitiful and with each ineffective step, the mayor seemed grow a little bigger and cat he had been standing with on the sidewalk, seemed to shrink into his deeper into his shoes.

Making an instantaneous decision, Squig turned and said, "You know, Mayor, I was in a marching band in high school and in college and I'd be happy to come over to the school and lend a hand."

"You would do that, son," he replied getting misty eyed. "In your free time, you'd go on over to the school and whip that band into shape?"

"Well I can't teach them the music, but I could certainly show them how to move once they knew the tunes."

His next thought was cut off as he saw the gilded sign reading, WELCOME SHERIFF, being carried by two teenage kittens who didn't seem to get along. There was a crowd behind them waiving and cheering and the whole group was heading towards the station.  The kittens were doing their best to march to the music and crowd was very orderly, but Squig had a horrible feeling that a terrible misunderstanding had just occurred.

"Excuse me, sir," he began, "Were you expecting your Sheriff?"

"Why yes he were," Bob exclaimed happily, "And here you are."  

"Me," Squig squeaked. "I think there's been some mistake here.  I didn't apply for that job.  You must be waiting for somebody else."

"No, the powers that be up in Denver said that our new Sheriff would be arriving on the 3:00 train from Denver and here you are."

"But I don't have any experience in law enforcement and I haven't shot a gun in years," Squig tried to explain sounding lamer by the minute.

"You a college graduate, son?"the mayor asked narrowing his eyes and flicking his tail.

"Yes sir, I am." Squig stammered in response.

"And just what was your major?" he asked slowly, laying his ears back.

"Law Enforcement and my minor was Crime Scene Investigation." Squig responded before he had time to think about the implications of this admission.

"And you didn't go into Police work, why?" the mayor hissed.

"Because my roommate and I won a million dollars in the lottery and .."

"You won't be needing much of a salary," the mayor finished for him.  

And with that Bob Histon reached into his pocket, pulled out a badge and pinned it on Sqig's jacket. And lifting Squig's arm up and towards the crowd, announced.  "Citizens of Katz City, I would like you to meet your new Sheriff, Mr. Squig Pigcowski."

And as the crowd waived and cheered, Squig tried to explain, "My name is Squig Igmeaukowski and I didn't apply for this job."