Sighing deeply, Sally Alba closed her February edition of Cosmopolicat and hid it under official school papers she was going to get around to reading sometime.  It was hopeless.  The whole miserable situation was hopeless. "Why do I even bother with trash like Cosmopolicat," she thought to herself as she took her make-up bag out of her handbag.  "It's not like I can wear any of the hot looking outfits, or practice any of the ten moves to drive him wild in bed.  In order to do that, there has to be a him to practice on. And my him takes as much notice of me as he does the office furniture.  No, I'm wrong.  He did notice the one small scratch on his desk last week. He takes less notice of me than he does the furniture."

Taking out her eyeliner pencil, mascara and mirror, she started applying her makeup. "However, she thought to herself, "I have been practicing the seven sultry stares to get your noticed."  She was so busy applying makeup and practicing her looks, she missed the arrival of  Jane, the school secretary and the bane of her existence.

"Well Ms. Alba, if you're all finished getting that whatever it is out of your eye, Doctor Kirki would like to see you in his office."Jane announced between chomps on her gum.  She was a middle aged, overweight, opinionated fright and everything about her, from her loud sweaters advertising every holiday imaginable to her small piggy eyes annoyed Sally.  But the main reason for her dislike was fact that high school educated Jane Siscatski ran the school.  She had her nose into everything, and whatever changes or modernizations they wanted to make had to first pass the Jane test and nothing ever passed the Jane test.

Putting away her makeup and smoothing down her skirt, she didn't miss the, "I know what you're up to and it won't work either look that flitted across that fat, piggy face.  Trying to compose her own face. she walked by Jane and into "his" office.

Paul Kirki, PhD was standing at the window watching the snow.  Everything about him was elegant and wonderful.  Like her, he was a seal point siamese cat.  That fact alone should have glued the two together.  They should have been an island of loveliness in a sea of out west squalor.  "But no," she thought to herself, "he treats me the same way he treats Jane.  No, he listened to Jane.  He treats me like an uncomfortable chair he's inherited and can't get rid of."

Throwing back her shoulders and fluttering her eyelashes, she cleared her throat, and as he turned to face her, she gave him hot look number one.  When that didn't work, she went on to killer look number three.  She was stopped in the middle of the mother of all sultry stares when he said, "Ms. Alba is there something wrong with your eyes? Should I call the school nurse.  Please do sit down; however, if you're coming down with pink eye don't touch anything."

Sighing with hopelessness, she sat down and asked,"You wanted to see me."

"Yes, " he answered placing his large manly paws on the mahogany desk.  "I've gotten another email from the mayor asking when we're going to get a guidance counselor."

"Dr. Kirki, you know I have advertised in every professional journal and major newspaper in the state and we've had no responses," she answered, and mentally added," and you're surprised.  Who in their right mind would want to come to this dinky, backwater, town."

"So Ms. Alba, I was discussing this situation with Jane and we've decided that maybe you're raising the bar just a little too high with your qualifications.  You want the successful applicant to have an undergraduate degree in education and a masters degree in psychology and five years experience in the role of a rural guidance counselor.

As Jane pointed out," he continued, "those are pretty expensive credentials for a cat who would spend his or her day neatly and accurately filling out forms while listening to whining. So she has taken it upon herself to place the following ad on Louis' List.

Wanted a mature cat to neatly and accurately complete paperwork in a school setting.  The successful applicant should also be able to calmly and considerately listen to a never ending litany of excuses and other ridiculous rubbish. In addition, he or she should also have the ability to coach a cheer squad featuring baton twirlers and flag swirlers, as well as dancers and cheerleaders."

Sally resisted the urge to wrap her paws around his handsome neck and start choking.  "You have got be kidding." she finally hissed. "Why don't you add pole dancing to your list of qualifications."

"Ms. Alba, " he responded sadly, "Your eye infections is obviously getting in the way of your better judgement.  Once you are feeling better, I'm sure you'll agree that this ad will definitely attract the right person for our school."

Having nothing further to say, she left slamming the door behind her.


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